Friday the 13th

I have learned lately that there is a lot of truth in the saying: “Your thinking creates reality!”

You can have one situation eg a stressful day coming up at work. If you go about it with the thinking:”everything will go fine” it will be a lot easier and probably not as stressful as expected. But if you go about it “Oh it will be hell and I won’t make it” that is exactly what will happen.

The trouble for survivors is though that we have been experiencing so much violence that it is hard to think positive about anything and so we create more stressful reality. A vicious circle until we consciously decide to think positive and do the work to re-train our soul.

And what does this have to do with Friday the 13th?

Well, of course it is supposed to be a day of bad luck. Supposedly this comes from the time when Christian faith started to be state faith but they could not end pagan rituals and believes. In the old pagan believes 13 was a sacred number as they usually followed a lunar calendar which has 13 instead of 12 months.

So probably someone had created the myth that 13 is evil to make out the old believe was bad. But again if you think Friday the 13th is a bad one it will be and if you think it does not matter it won’t.

Today is another chance to thrive – let’s not miss it!

 

it is not a gender problem

As I am reading more and more on twitter I have realised that there are many male survivors and thrivers out there who have decided to face and heal their trauma instead of supporting the vicious circle of violence.I believe that many abusers have been abused themselves. Please do not get me wrong. That is by no means an excuse for what they do. At one point you have to take a decision how you want to live your life and how you want to deal with the scars that life has given you.

Those who become abusers instead of thrivers (and that is both male and female) go the easy way. Eye for an eye just go on doing what you have learned from life. No matter how much therapy and how much science we do not know how exactly the psychological mechanisms work that make you go one way or the other.
But I strongly believe that there is a point in your life where you take a decision.

As far as I can see the topic of abuse has mainly been treated as a gender one. Women are the victims men are the predators. But if you have a close look that is not the case. And we all no matter if male or female have done things we rather not have done. We all have our share of experience with acting violently even abusive which makes it so difficult. Or at least it makes it difficult for me to define who I am. And I think we rather not have a look at those parts of our lives.

No matter what: It is not just black and white. We all have both parts in our lives and I think it is important to support each other. Those who have decided to end abuse and to thrive instead of survive have to start to support each other no matter which gender.

Well I think I might have expressed a taboo. At least I am not happy at looking at those parts where I have become abusive but they are there. It seems to be easier to got the “victim way” and get the sympathies than to take responsibility for your life and your decisions. A healing life has a look at both the pain and the rage. A healing life forgives oneself. A healing life supports and does not stop at the gender.

This subject bothers me since a long time. When reading about healing from abuse I have never come across anyone dealing with the fact that a survivor/thriver has done things that are not ok and hurt innocent ones as well. What I wrote today are my first thoughts on it. It is what bothers me and I will explore it more as it seems to me an important point. Survivors are not only female. Abusers are not only male. The trauma experienced makes you sometimes cause trauma as well. Where are the responsibilities? Does it make me an abuser too? If my abuser has been abused too but does not face his trauma how do I deal with him? How do I feel about him? It is not only black and white but still I have to protect myself.