claiming back my life

A few sessions back my therapist said that it looks like I start claiming my life back meaning I start to think about what is good for me as well as what I really want to do.

What I really want to do is writing and I actually have started this a long time ago with this blog. But I am also writing poetry, book reviews and a novel. That novel is just me learning the craft but it feels good to do what I am supposed to do instead of “just” surviving.

Well, we all know that it is not “just”. To survive abuse of any sort is a task like climbing Mount Everest: It is challenging, dangerous, exhausting….. you name it.

And like to quell Mount Everest it is an enormous victory to have succeeded in it no matter what the cost. I wish we could be more proud of what we have achieved instead of mourning so much. But I guess the mourning is a vital part in healing.

May you have a blessed and healing day!

thanks for the picture to Thomas.fanghaenel from Wikimedia Commons via http://ookaboo.com

Disorder?

Individuals diagnosed with DID demonstrate a variety of symptoms with wide fluctuations across time; functioning can vary from severe impairment in daily functioning to normal or high abilities. Symptoms can include:^[11]

• Multiple mannerisms, attitudes and beliefs which are not similar to each other
• Unexplainable headaches and other body pains
• Distortion or loss of subjective time
• Depersonalization
• Derealization
• Severe memory loss
• Depression
• Flashbacks of abuse/trauma
• Sudden anger without a justified cause
• Frequent panic/anxiety attacks
• Unexplainable phobias
• Auditory of the personalities inside their mind
• Paranoia

Patients may experience an extremely broad array of other symptoms that may appear to resemble epilepsy, schizophrenia, anxiety disorders, mood disorders, post traumatic stress disorder,personality disorders, and eating disorders.^[11]

[edit]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dissociative_identity_disorder#Signs_and_symptoms

This is what Wikipedia says about the symptoms of DID (Dissociative identity disorder).

I am missing memories of most of life before my mother’s death when I was 12. There are bits here and there but I am never sure if it is me or what my family told me. It always troubled me not to know what happened but I always decided that my psyche and/or soul knows why it does not give me any memories. But I never thought this might be a symptom of disorder. I do not like this expression anyway. It is a way of dealing with trauma it is something healthy to survive and create ways of surviving. Unfortunately these ways do not work after a while any more and get more in the way than help. Then you have to adapt. But for me it feels like adapting again and again is so tiring. To get over this exhaustion moment and realise that it is healing is one of the hardest things to achieve. That is how it feels for me.

Lets celebrate…

… just because we can!