Links for male survivors and thrivers

It has been a theme for me for some time: Male survivors and their situation!

The myth is still out there that males can not be raped or abused but if you watch out for information you know that this is not true. According to Afterthesilence.com 1 in 6 young males will be raped or abused in some form before they reach the age of 18. According to RAINN in the United States 1 in 10 males will be objected to rape or abuse.

And as there are now many (even though still not enough) helplines, organisations and therapists for female victims ~ male victims still have a terrible struggle to find help in any way.

Therefore I have added the page “Links for male survivors” on this blog. I know that my brother has been abused as well and I know that he has found a therapist but it is still so much harder for him to deal with the whole issue.

There are more and more male survivors speaking up in blogs doing brilliant work for all the others to help the healing work. I want to mention some as you might be a male survivor looking for help and the more personal way of dealing with the issue in blogs has helped me a lot:

The wounded warrior

Jeff’s Song

Brannem

I can only encourage you to go and find help. You are not alone: 1 in 6 in the United States and I do not have any numbers for other countries but that says enough. Just that experience that you are not alone and to hear from others that their experiences are similar is so empowering for your healing! There is a powerful community for you as well!

These are the links on my page above:

AEST – male survivors (UK)
AMOSA (UK)

Male Survivors (UK)

Pandora’s Project (USA)

Survivors Guide (USA)

After the silence ~ messageboard (USA)

It is not a lot that I can do for you but I can at least make you aware of some of the recources that are out there.

May you be blessed and find the healing that you deserve!

Related articles

• MaleSurvivor Urges Brooklyn DA Hynes, Ultra-Orthodox Community to Protect Survivors of Abuse (pr.com)
• RCASA’s Friday Facts: Sexual Assault of Men (rcasa.wordpress.com)

Some explanations

Hi there everyone and a warm hello to Kath1975 who just started following. Thanks for stopping by and I hope you will find what you are looking for.

As there have been more followers lately which I am very grateful for and as I am occupied a lot with therapy and get used to my internal changes I have started to reblog some of my old posts. They are still acute and I have some trouble to create new content. So please bear with me til I am through this ~ then I can go on stronger and with new things to write about.

But I would like to put your attention to some of the sites that accompany this blog. There are some themes or things that are important to me: partners of survivors for example. With that I do not only mean partner as in a relationship but also friends and family. Everyone who helps a survivor but also just is interested in what to do when someone deals with abuse finds information here:

“Links for partners” shows some links to organisations and pages which are for the people around survivors to give them some help and support.

“Male survivors” just seem to realise that survivors are not only female and abusers are not only male. As the myth goes a boy can not be abused they still often are not believed which makes things very difficult. But there are pages and organisations out there which are specialised for male survivors and you find some of the links here: “Male Survivors“.

I thought for a long time that abuse is such a taboo that no artist would dare to deal with it creatively. But one day I looked it up and realised that especially musicians often have written songs about the problem. As music often helps in healing I did a series about “Songs about abuse” and put the pages I found them on on the page “Songs about abuse and healing“.

This online community of survivors and thrivers make us so much stronger. Reading other survivors blogs has helped me so much that I wanted to share them with all of you. It is sometimes hard to find the good ones in the mass of links you can find on google or other search sites. That is why I created “Blogs from survivors” to share my favourites.

Of course there are some more pages for you to visit but I leave them for you to explore : If you have any suggestions for any of my pages on this blog please feel free to contact me on @ASpiritOfHealin on Twitter or in a comment on my blog and I will add.

Thank you so much for following and supporting ~ May you all be blessed!

contacts and links for male survivors

Here are some twitter contacts and links to support organisations for male survivors. I will also add a link list on the blog both for male survivors and partners.If you have any links or contacts that are supporting please let me know. Thanks!

http://twitter.com/#!/JeffsSong

http://twitter.com/#!/ChrisGavagan

http://twitter.com/#!/Erikredviking

http://twitter.com/#!/lrferrill

http://www.aest.org.uk/survivors/male/

http://www.aest.org.uk/helplines/uk_survivor_male_helplines.htm

http://www.malesurvivor.org/

http://survivorsguide.wordpress.com/2011/04/13/support-for-male-survivors-of-sexual-abuse/

http://www.pandys.org/malesurvivors.html

http://www.mankind.org.uk/

http://www.male-rape.org.uk/

it is not a gender problem

As I am reading more and more on twitter I have realised that there are many male survivors and thrivers out there who have decided to face and heal their trauma instead of supporting the vicious circle of violence.I believe that many abusers have been abused themselves. Please do not get me wrong. That is by no means an excuse for what they do. At one point you have to take a decision how you want to live your life and how you want to deal with the scars that life has given you.

Those who become abusers instead of thrivers (and that is both male and female) go the easy way. Eye for an eye just go on doing what you have learned from life. No matter how much therapy and how much science we do not know how exactly the psychological mechanisms work that make you go one way or the other.
But I strongly believe that there is a point in your life where you take a decision.

As far as I can see the topic of abuse has mainly been treated as a gender one. Women are the victims men are the predators. But if you have a close look that is not the case. And we all no matter if male or female have done things we rather not have done. We all have our share of experience with acting violently even abusive which makes it so difficult. Or at least it makes it difficult for me to define who I am. And I think we rather not have a look at those parts of our lives.

No matter what: It is not just black and white. We all have both parts in our lives and I think it is important to support each other. Those who have decided to end abuse and to thrive instead of survive have to start to support each other no matter which gender.

Well I think I might have expressed a taboo. At least I am not happy at looking at those parts where I have become abusive but they are there. It seems to be easier to got the “victim way” and get the sympathies than to take responsibility for your life and your decisions. A healing life has a look at both the pain and the rage. A healing life forgives oneself. A healing life supports and does not stop at the gender.

This subject bothers me since a long time. When reading about healing from abuse I have never come across anyone dealing with the fact that a survivor/thriver has done things that are not ok and hurt innocent ones as well. What I wrote today are my first thoughts on it. It is what bothers me and I will explore it more as it seems to me an important point. Survivors are not only female. Abusers are not only male. The trauma experienced makes you sometimes cause trauma as well. Where are the responsibilities? Does it make me an abuser too? If my abuser has been abused too but does not face his trauma how do I deal with him? How do I feel about him? It is not only black and white but still I have to protect myself.