dreams

Lately I dream immensely.

I can remember my dreams every night and they mainly have something to do with water and houses. I know that a house always means the dreamer and that water has something to do with feelings. But somehow I can  not make sense of them.

Yesterday I saw a man who looked like my ex and at night our neighbours started fighting. All this together gives me a really odd feeling of anticipation of something bad to happen.

But I can not identify if that is dark thinking indicating depression or if it is my intuition telling me something. I am scared. I can feel that something in my life is changing greatly. I am scared that it will be to the worse as so many things have gone right lately and I have achieved so much.

I remember to have lived with exactly this feeling for most of my childhood. I have no idea how I could manage to live with this and survive. It is so disturbing. So terribly disturbing.

Dreams

I am wearing a necklace from my mum nearly all the time when I am off work since a few weeks. It has a relatively big carnelian stone and I started dreaming a lot and dreaming pretty weird stuff. But there are symbols that seem to repeat themselves and I wonder about them.I dreamed twice about swimming in a huge fish tank which had sharks and other big fish in them. The first time we were observed by a female scientist. This time she swam with us but was a journalist for tv as well.

Water, fish, cellar, under water all seems to be associated with emotions. Well they most certainly all come back since a while.

 

had another strange dream!

I was in the room I had when I was teenager. There was a huge window and a white net curtain. Behind the curtain there were about 20 bees building a hive but also already producing honey. One of my co-workers was there plus an elderly woman and me. The woman was eating honeycomb which looked like it was a great big bunch of mold. She offered me and I tried but spat it out. It was not nice. I then tried to hold the bees but expected to be stung. But it did not happen. Some bees left some stayed. The honey was tripping on the window sill.The friend I had trouble with a few months ago has contacted me again. Her daughter had googled me and found a blog from which I had tweeted something. She assumed it is mine and that I had been pregnant and had not told her. She still expects me to fulfil her need for a phone-call.
Whatever she writes just causes me to feel threatened and that I should do something I do not want to do. She tries to make me feel guilty that I do not fulfil her need.
I reacted immediately and wrote what I thought and felt but am not sure if that was the right thing.
We have needs that are totally contrary and I asked her what solutions she has for that.

Well I am changing: I used to think she is right and I am wrong and I have to change to be a good person and to heal. But why should I do something I do not want to? Why do I have to change to make her feel good?

I do not want to waste my time with people who are not happy with who I am any more. But at the same time I think that that is very cruel and selfish. But is that not exactly the thinking that keeps us imprisoned in guilty feelings?

Will I take the freedom to be happy and let go of situations and people that and who are not good for me?

picture source http://www.webweaver.nu/clipart/insects-bees.shtml

had a strange dream last night

I was working in a place where they store fuel of some sort. A tank lorry came to fill the underground storage up but a colleague drove one of those small pallet trucks and ran the metal thing over that holds the pipe in place. So all the fuel ran all over the place and it looked like it would go up in flames.
I left the place on a bike and drove down a  6 lane avenue. I saw skyscrapers at the horizon with all lights on as it was dark. But the lights started to flash. I was waiting at a big crossing and only the cars from the right got the green light. Everyone else had to wait but suddenly all the other cars started to go as well. I was on the wrong side so I had to cross over which worked out fine but at the next crossing the lights were out and the skyscrapers lights went out as well. My family were calling and I told them I would go to work and afterwards stay with a childhood friend who lived close by.dream symbols: fuel – a form of energy you need, fuel might easily burn so be careful what you use it for, it also stands for motivation you need
traffic lights switched off – situation will become better
traffic lights red – warning
light/electricity being out – lack of insight
street – your life’s journey
bike – being a happy, nature loving person
to drive/ride yourself – you change your situation

I read a lot more explanations for these symbols and what comes to mind is that I have to take more care of myself and my energies. I feel like I need a break any way but do not know how to get it.
But I also ride myself, take my life into my own hands and as in the dream manage through a difficult situation to get onto the right track