I found this quote at Faith Allen‘s Blooming Lotus Blog on “Another View of Forgiving after childabuse” one of the most empowering and honest blogs about childhood abuse and ritual abuse.
Faith Allen was reading Dr. Brain Weiss’ book “Messages from the Masters” where she found this quote. She then explains how understanding how the patterns work, that makes abusers abuse, freed her from her believe of being a victim, to be empowered. She also says that she still does not understand how her mother could do the things she did to her and let others do them as well.
I find that it helps a lot in dealing with challenging situations/experiences to find the lesson that I am supposed to learn. Of course this is a very spiritual point of view that comes from the idea that our souls come back to this earth to learn certain lessons like “loving yourself”, “healing negative believes learned in other lives” or “letting go”. For people who are not very spiritual that sounds quite silly but we all have the right to different views about life and in the end it does not matter what is true as long as it helps us to deal with our life in a better way.So what do I understand from my experiences of being abused by my father?
Well I do not understand but suspect that my father has been abused as well as a very young child when he had to go to a home for children for recovering from illness directly after WWII. I have learned that not all people are capable of stepping back from these experiences and find other ways with dealing with it. They just repeat the same terrible situation.
I do understand that my family situation was a difficult one. My father has never managed to let his childhood way of dealing with emotions go and was more a third child for my mother. When she got cancer and he suddenly had to take over responsibilities he was not prepared for it made everything even worse. He is not a person to ask for help with emotional problems. I guess he just did the best he could and has no ability to understand how much he impaired my life.
There is a part in me who thinks like that and it feels lighter to deal with it. But there is still that angry, frustrated, degraded child that feels that it has been treated and wrong and by God it has been treated wrong. She has not been protected the way she should have been and she has been hurt. The question is can she let those feelings go. They were natural in that situation but we have grown up. We have managed a lot of things and we are about to create a life that is worth living. Why letting those feelings still impair our life?
I think more and more that it is a decision we make to let those feelings go. Then we take power over them and stop being victims. But we have to be ready for this step and that needs time and it probably is also a process. You do not only take that decision and everything is ok. There are smells, songs, images, people that trigger those old feelings and we need to learn to be aware of what is going on in ourselves to take that decision again and again.
I sounds like hard work but isn’t it worth it? Isn’t it worth it to take over our own lives and not let them be dominated by childhood experiences and negative feelings?
