Being understood….

Lately I have though a lot about how people who are not affected by abuse and its aftermaths just do not understand how things work for us.

Mind you we often do not understand it ourselves so how can they. What made me think that was the fact that I really felt uncomfortable at work for a long while after they have not heard my part of my complaint about being bullied. They have just talked to the other part and that gave me the feeling they were sorting things and talking behind my back. At that time I just ignored that but it kept coming back.

Last week at least I got an apology from our personal department which calmed me down a bit as I for the first time in this situation felt taken serious. I was asked again to work on that persons department which I would have done but the lady from personal asked if I felt uncomfortable with it and I said:”very much!” so she decided that I do not need to do it.

Since last year and my try to get out of that bullying situation I started to feel really aggressive towards management. Whenever they asked for something and even if it was obvious and relevant things I discussed everything and went into opposition which is not at all like me. I also was talking really badly about work which did not help my mood and might have caused the depression to flare up again.

I hardly ever was happy at work. Since last week I feel like I am back to more being myself and even on the day I should have worked on that other department I could go on with everything normally which was a really good experience.

But I so often thought:” They probably think that I am just a drama queen” as his behaviour does not seem to bother other people. I have always tried to stay at work no  matter how bad I felt or when I had to deal with flashbacks. But that is something how survivors are: no matter how bad you feel you so often can do a brilliant job; show your talents and even exceed but just one single little word or a song can bring you totally out of balance and cause a break down.

But there is also that other thought that comes up more and more:” Who gives a d… what they think!”

Related articles

• Whose The Bully Now! (starrspress.wordpress.com)
• Movie Review: Watching “Bully” Is Not Enough To Make A Difference Says Bullying Prevention Expert (prweb.com)
• Relieving the Trauma of Bullying (tfttraumarelief.wordpress.com)
• Bullying at Work (specialspice.wordpress.com)

Some explanations

Hi there everyone and a warm hello to Kath1975 who just started following. Thanks for stopping by and I hope you will find what you are looking for.

As there have been more followers lately which I am very grateful for and as I am occupied a lot with therapy and get used to my internal changes I have started to reblog some of my old posts. They are still acute and I have some trouble to create new content. So please bear with me til I am through this ~ then I can go on stronger and with new things to write about.

But I would like to put your attention to some of the sites that accompany this blog. There are some themes or things that are important to me: partners of survivors for example. With that I do not only mean partner as in a relationship but also friends and family. Everyone who helps a survivor but also just is interested in what to do when someone deals with abuse finds information here:

“Links for partners” shows some links to organisations and pages which are for the people around survivors to give them some help and support.

“Male survivors” just seem to realise that survivors are not only female and abusers are not only male. As the myth goes a boy can not be abused they still often are not believed which makes things very difficult. But there are pages and organisations out there which are specialised for male survivors and you find some of the links here: “Male Survivors“.

I thought for a long time that abuse is such a taboo that no artist would dare to deal with it creatively. But one day I looked it up and realised that especially musicians often have written songs about the problem. As music often helps in healing I did a series about “Songs about abuse” and put the pages I found them on on the page “Songs about abuse and healing“.

This online community of survivors and thrivers make us so much stronger. Reading other survivors blogs has helped me so much that I wanted to share them with all of you. It is sometimes hard to find the good ones in the mass of links you can find on google or other search sites. That is why I created “Blogs from survivors” to share my favourites.

Of course there are some more pages for you to visit but I leave them for you to explore : If you have any suggestions for any of my pages on this blog please feel free to contact me on @ASpiritOfHealin on Twitter or in a comment on my blog and I will add.

Thank you so much for following and supporting ~ May you all be blessed!

May you have a blessed week!

Happy Thoughts

I like the advice that the last card gives:

thanks for the video to angelsteve41 via http://www.youtube.com

My thoughts and prayers are with all of you….

…. may your day be blessed, beautiful and benign !

Collage Journaling

Thanks to the video to committedtofreedom  via http://www.youtube.com

If you want to know more about Collage Journaling please have a look here: http://www.committedtofreedom.org/2012/02/16/collage-journaling/

A theorie

I have been reading a lot lately about the influence of past lives on our actual presence in this physical form.

The theory goes that we have an eternal soul who decides to come back into this existence to do special work but also to learn certain lessons. The theory also goes that a soul might spilt into different personalities to do more of it’s set work. Therefore more and more people may exist on this plain.

That made me think a lot about DID.

To protect a child from the effect of abuse is a big job to do. You definitely need more than one personality for it. Just because it is not common thought that one person might be more than one personality does not mean it is not possible.

As a matter of fact all of know that it is the truth for many of us.

But if our souls give us this help to survive then it can not be a disorder! It is the fascinating fact of energy not ceasing to exist and creating more and more possibilities!

 

it is not a gender problem

As I am reading more and more on twitter I have realised that there are many male survivors and thrivers out there who have decided to face and heal their trauma instead of supporting the vicious circle of violence.I believe that many abusers have been abused themselves. Please do not get me wrong. That is by no means an excuse for what they do. At one point you have to take a decision how you want to live your life and how you want to deal with the scars that life has given you.

Those who become abusers instead of thrivers (and that is both male and female) go the easy way. Eye for an eye just go on doing what you have learned from life. No matter how much therapy and how much science we do not know how exactly the psychological mechanisms work that make you go one way or the other.
But I strongly believe that there is a point in your life where you take a decision.

As far as I can see the topic of abuse has mainly been treated as a gender one. Women are the victims men are the predators. But if you have a close look that is not the case. And we all no matter if male or female have done things we rather not have done. We all have our share of experience with acting violently even abusive which makes it so difficult. Or at least it makes it difficult for me to define who I am. And I think we rather not have a look at those parts of our lives.

No matter what: It is not just black and white. We all have both parts in our lives and I think it is important to support each other. Those who have decided to end abuse and to thrive instead of survive have to start to support each other no matter which gender.

Well I think I might have expressed a taboo. At least I am not happy at looking at those parts where I have become abusive but they are there. It seems to be easier to got the “victim way” and get the sympathies than to take responsibility for your life and your decisions. A healing life has a look at both the pain and the rage. A healing life forgives oneself. A healing life supports and does not stop at the gender.

This subject bothers me since a long time. When reading about healing from abuse I have never come across anyone dealing with the fact that a survivor/thriver has done things that are not ok and hurt innocent ones as well. What I wrote today are my first thoughts on it. It is what bothers me and I will explore it more as it seems to me an important point. Survivors are not only female. Abusers are not only male. The trauma experienced makes you sometimes cause trauma as well. Where are the responsibilities? Does it make me an abuser too? If my abuser has been abused too but does not face his trauma how do I deal with him? How do I feel about him? It is not only black and white but still I have to protect myself.

 

Dissorder? (2.)

JeffsSong Jeff’s Song 

@

@Lisathriver21 Tried to comment; just wish I could add that DID can be a blessing. When the system works together – it’s a beautiful thing

I got this tweet today and it made me think about the disorder thing again. I wrote yesterday that survival strategies do not work after a while any more but am I right about that?

Thinking about it it came to mind that I should not generalise this. For many it might still work as Jeff wrote. It is a beautiful thing if survival strategies help you all along the way.

Disorder?

Individuals diagnosed with DID demonstrate a variety of symptoms with wide fluctuations across time; functioning can vary from severe impairment in daily functioning to normal or high abilities. Symptoms can include:^[11]

• Multiple mannerisms, attitudes and beliefs which are not similar to each other
• Unexplainable headaches and other body pains
• Distortion or loss of subjective time
• Depersonalization
• Derealization
• Severe memory loss
• Depression
• Flashbacks of abuse/trauma
• Sudden anger without a justified cause
• Frequent panic/anxiety attacks
• Unexplainable phobias
• Auditory of the personalities inside their mind
• Paranoia

Patients may experience an extremely broad array of other symptoms that may appear to resemble epilepsy, schizophrenia, anxiety disorders, mood disorders, post traumatic stress disorder,personality disorders, and eating disorders.^[11]

[edit]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dissociative_identity_disorder#Signs_and_symptoms

This is what Wikipedia says about the symptoms of DID (Dissociative identity disorder).

I am missing memories of most of life before my mother’s death when I was 12. There are bits here and there but I am never sure if it is me or what my family told me. It always troubled me not to know what happened but I always decided that my psyche and/or soul knows why it does not give me any memories. But I never thought this might be a symptom of disorder. I do not like this expression anyway. It is a way of dealing with trauma it is something healthy to survive and create ways of surviving. Unfortunately these ways do not work after a while any more and get more in the way than help. Then you have to adapt. But for me it feels like adapting again and again is so tiring. To get over this exhaustion moment and realise that it is healing is one of the hardest things to achieve. That is how it feels for me.